it hurts more in the daytime
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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