Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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