I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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