So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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