i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
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