i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
