drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
