Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
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