In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
