Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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