Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Come on in and take your pants off
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