you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
