Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
