some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
