so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
