i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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