the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
