my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
