NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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