I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i've created a new STD.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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