I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
