You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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