exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
