Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
