I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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