Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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