I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
