Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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