Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
