there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
