Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
