fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
