Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
