She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
