1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
