Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
