I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
