he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
