we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
