I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
