My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
