i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
