totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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