I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
