8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
