Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
