Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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