So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
