We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
