Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
