The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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