Porn is love you can see.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
