babies were throwing up all over the place
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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