just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
