i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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