Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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