I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
